<ol>
<li>Practice good deeds and celebrate success in silence. The point is to do good. Not to elevate your status.</li>
<li>Always assume good intentions and don't take anything personally.</li>
<li>Set clear expectations for what you want out of a relationship as soon and revisit them as often as possible.</li>
<li>Know when to give something up. The time, money and energy you invested doesn't make it more worthwhile. Keep the concept of sunk costs in mind.</li>
<li>Don't waste time or energy in things you cannot change.</li>
<li>Stand up for what you believe in. Be willing to walk alone if you have to.</li>
<li>Embrace your uniqueness. No one else in the entire world thinks the way you do or has your life experience. And that's your unfair advantage.</li>
<li>Trust yourself and your decisions.</li>
<li>Extreme people get extreme results. Work as hard as you can.</li>
<li>Focus on the things that don't change. The books, technologies, ideas, relationships that are likely to still be here in 50 years.</li>
<li>Prioritise practical experience over books and theory. The shorter the feedback cycle, the better.</li>
<li>Admit your mistakes and shortcomings openly and emphatically. That will make you grow.</li>
<li>Be humble with knowledge. What you know is so much less than what you don't know. And every person knows more about something than you do.</li>
<li>Surround yourself with people who challenge you and help you grow.</li>
<li>Be consistent and practice your craft deliberately but be patient with results. It takes time but sooner or later they'll come. Keep showing up and doing the work.</li>
<li>Reject most labels and boxes. Don't let them define who you are or who you can become.</li>
<li>Cultivate disobedience. In yourself and others. That's how new knowledge is created and how society evolves.</li>
<li>Seek to understand the world. Leave your bubble and travel as often as you can on your own.</li>
<li>Don't try to be perceived as smart. That will keep you from learning and connecting with people genuinely.</li>
<li>Question everything about yourself and about what you believe in. Don't be afraid of changing your mind or seeming inconsistent.</li>
</ol>

Turning 26.

<a href="https://rsms.me/">Rasmus Andersson</a>, known for designing the <a href="https://rsms.me/inter/">Inter typeface</a>, co-creating Spotify and GraphQL, and shaping Figma as lead designer, is one of my personal heroes. I look up to him for his proficiency in both design and computer science. Something I too aspire to achieve. Besides the work everyone knows about, he spends his time tinkering and creating <a href="https://rsms.me/projects/">other projects</a>. Among them multiple programming languages.
Mastering both design and software is no small feat. And since I'm graduating soon, I decided to reach out and ask for advice. He was kind enough to share his thoughts on <a href="https://twitter.com/rsms/status/1645135344134942721">a tweetstorm</a> I'm sharing here in a compiled format.
<h3>Rasmus Andersson:</h3>
Every person is different and we all have a unique perspective, so it's hard to give general advice, but anyhow:
Do! Make! Do a lot of work, do A LOT of work. The saying that in order to be great at something, you have to do it 10 000 times is true (in most cases.)
You can read all the books in the world about playing soccer but the only way you can be a great soccer player is (obviously) by playing a lot of soccer (and maybe reading a few books.) The same is true for any path to mastery — you have to practice, a lot.
Now, about software design vs engineering. Think about software the way you'd think about furniture: To build a good chair you need to consider everything from reason and personality to materials and maintenance.
There are of course people specialized in many aspects of furniture: materials, types of furniture, part of the process (ie. concepts, development, production etc.) and so on. But as a designer of a chair you can'd do a good job without considering and prototyping the whole.
It is important to find your specialization of course, otherwise you will have a hard time selling yourself (ie. what—concretely—do you bring to the table?)
What I often see in the software industry is people putting themselves into silos (which is different from specialization.) For example someone who only does motion design but would never imagine actually implementing an animation in e.g. an iOS app (for prototyping purposes.)
A furniture designer doing that would be pretty terrible at designing chairs;
"I design the most exquisite legs"
Very pretty! But they break if you put the chair on a carpet and apply lateral force, so we can't ship that.
I think it’s REALLY hard to take this advice to heart in the insanely-fast paced software industry. The idea that you might have to work hard for 5-10 years to get to where you want to be might seem crazy when the software people build only lasts for a fraction of that time.
<hr>
Rasmus's advice echoes what other people I admire have told me in the past. Working hard and <a href="https://moonwith.com/posts/train">showing up every day</a> probably matters more than any other thing. Sometimes it can be discouraging not see results right away but we have to have faith. Trust the process.
And regarding bold goals and achieving mastery: Only we can know who we can be. — Never forget that.

Advice from Rasmus Andersson

Although at times real, lasting transformation may seem like an impossible task, I'm reminded of the power of belief, discipline and persistence in building character and leadership while revisiting Benjamin Franklin, a dipomat and one of the founding fathers of the United States. He began working on a system for self-improvement when he was only 20 years old.
In his autobiography he outlines the program he designed to cultivate his personal virtues. To do so, he made a list of 13 values he found desirable. Then, he added them to a table with a column for each day of the week. He tracked his progress daily, marking his performance with a mark or a cross when he didn't follow through. The goal was to have an empty table without any marking.
| Benjamin Franklin's 13 Virtues |
| :- |
| 1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation. |
| 2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation. |
| 3. Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time. |
| 4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve. |
| 5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; waste nothing. |
| 6. Industry: Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions. |
| 7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and if you speak, speak accordingly. |
| 8. Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty. |
| 9. Moderation: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve. |
| 10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation. |
| 11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable. |
| 12. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation. |
| 13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates. |
Here's what my own version looks like today:
<img src="https://user-images.githubusercontent.com/6923650/227373891-387684c0-413f-4d5b-b23f-3833577475dc.png" alt="">
What are the values and traits you would like to cultivate? Do you have a system in place to help you make progress?

The Benjamin Franklin Method for Self-Improvement

When we try to come across as smart, we rob ourselves of an opportunity to understand the world in a deeper way.
Trading learning and real, personal connection for a brief moment of satisfaction is the opposite of smart. It's shortsighted.
Listening and understanding requires more energy than talking. It requires intellectual curiosity. It's what wise people do.

Don't try to be smart

When we decide to pursue an important goal, everything else we say yes to adds up. Like tiny drops of water that are poured into a bucket. When the bucket is empty, we can run. As it fills, it becomes heavier. — A bucket that took no conscious effort to carry around, suddenly becomes something we have to actively manage. It becomes a distraction. When it’s full, we can barely walk. We make progress slowly. We spend almost as much energy trying to keep the water in as we do trying to reach the finish line.
Saying no is hard. It takes courage. It takes discipline. Sometimes, it takes everything we have. But that might be worth it when that’s all we have to do in order to start running again.

Learn to say no

Throughout life, some people will be kind enough to provide us with negative feedback on matters that are sensitive to us.
At times, it will feel unfair or unjustified. Either because of the way the feedback was given. Or because it relates to our sense of identity. But we can learn to see feedback as an opportunity for growth and reflection.
a) Take negative feedback as a warm hug. A gift you can use to grow.
b) Next time someone gives you feedback, resist the urge to defend yourself. Listen attentively. Thank the other person for giving you their time and mental space.

Take feedback as a gift

We can change the thoughts that naturally come to our mind by deciding to take charge of the things we focus on.
When we ask ourselves the same question every single day, we train our minds to focus on that.
Where are you putting your attention? What do you ask yourself every night before going to bed?

Control your frame

We can choose to be surrounded by people who inspire us. People who bring out the best in us. People who make us better every day, just because of their presence.
If there's someone out there who is like the kind of person we want to be, we can choose to engage them. Captivate them.
The people we spend time with are our future. — The things we eat. The thoughts we have. The beliefs we develop. The goals we define. Everything's shaped in a way or another by their presence.
Who are you choosing?

A choice

The knowledge, tools and frameworks we learn about in the classroom or in our industry were created by people like us.
Just because something is presented as the default way of doing things, it doesn't mean it is the best approach. Or correct.
Are we accepting what someone else teaches us because they hold some authority or because it's the easy thing to do?
People who care about progress, care enough to take a step back and reassess the current state of affairs. — The mindset is not the one of a contrarian. Or of someone who thinks they're wiser than everyone else who came before them. It's about courage, kindness and integrity with ourselves, our peers and the world at large.
Do we ask ourselves enough times:
<ul>
<li>Does this make sense?</li>
<li>What are we actually trying to achieve with this method or tool? Are we using it blindly or in an intentional way?</li>
<li>Could there be a better way?</li>
<li>What would we improve or do differently?</li>
</ul>
Thank you David Heinemeier Hansson and Jason Fried for shaping the way I see the world through your actions. You inspire me every day.

Cultivate a critical mindset

Most people you interact with will show you some kind of support if given the opportunity. And although support is nice, you need to learn how to create a filter. Words are nice but they're easy. Most people say nice things because they want us to like them or because that's their default.
Accepting criticism and a certain kind of inquisitiveness can be hard. It can feel like a personal attack or lack of belief in our capabilities. And it hurts when it comes from the people we love the most. But that's often what we need to grow.
Build the habit of reflecting on why people say what they say. What are they trying to achieve?
a) Hold on to people who give you a hard time. It often means they care so much that they are willing to make you deslike them a little.
--
I'm so grateful to have family and friends that challange me. Thank you dearest Sarah, Dad, Paty, Amin and Joni for caring. I cheerish you and I hope I can provide you healthy discomfort throughout our lives.

Pats in the back

People who thrive are people who grow in an extraordinary way. They are arguably different than they were one year ago when it comes to the skills they have and the way in which they operate.
It's hard to spot them because you have to know someone and their work well enough to be able to tell the difference.
I think a key distinction resides in the mindset. People who are afraid of embarrassment don’t thrive. So don't be someone who's afraid of embarassment. Understand that every mishap is an opportunity to learn.

Growing vs Thriving

The mistakes we made and deeds we accomplished yesterday are like blinkers. They prevent us from seeing sideways. They mute our experience of life and keep us from reaching a deeper understanding of the world.
There are radiant, ecstatic, powerful version of ourselves lying somewhere. Untapped potential we may only harness when we learn to let go of the person, places and things that provide our sense of comfort and identity today.
a. Build the habit of asking yourself: What if I’m wrong? What if what I believe in and the values I grew up with or currently hold are flawed?
b. Seek dissonance. Welcome people and engage with thoughts and ideas that go against what you believe in.
c. Search for ways of fully engaging with cultures that are different from the ones you know. Travel alone for long periods of time. Move to another continent.
<hr>
This essay is part of my Principles series. Writings I plan to update and refine throughout the years and pass on to my kids. The edit history is publicly available <a href="https://github.com/malikpiara/moon/blame/main/pages/metamorphosis.md">here</a>.

Metamorphosis

Social circles can be a source of comfort, support, fulfilment and growth. As someone who builds communities, I’m aware of the compounding advantages that come with being part of an additional circle. We have more people to learn with. More access to opportunities. A richer perspective of the world. And more protection when things go wrong. Having that in mind, accessing new circles and maintaining strong connections over long periods of time is hard. Most of us are part of less than 4 social circles. And our ability to influence them is often limited: It's easier to find a new employer, university or religion than it is to try and change the culture that defines them. But that’s not the case with family.
Families are institutions. They have a culture. Although we don't pick them when we're born, we have a higher degree of agency over them. The key insight about families is that they are not cohesive by default but they are malleable. We can shape them with time and patience.
Regardless of how we might feel about our extended family, they’ll always be part of our life. Friends, colleagues, teachers, mentors come and go. But family stays. It makes sense to invest time and energy building close bonds and cultivating a wiser, wealthier and emotional intelligent environment. We're investing in our future happiness. And we help generate a virtuous cycle that may make everyone better off in the long run.
Looking at the future, I can only hope that my kids grow up with a high sense of belonging and self-esteem that often comes with being part of nurturing social circles early on. And I know that in order to achieve that, I have to start doing the work today.

Invest in your family

The first time I joined a meetup was in 2014. I remember spending an entire afternoon agonising over whether I should join the event. — I was young, unexperienced, didn’t know anyone and had an odd yet natural preoccupation with how a group of strangers would perceive me. — I showed up dressed in the most formal and uncomfortable attire I could find. Back then I still thought appearances mattered more than actions. People who are great at what they do, don’t need to signal they are smart or competent by wearing preppy clothes or throwing around their titles.
That’s when I met David Dias. David is currently working on improving the internet with distributed systems at Protocol Labs (YC S14). Meeting him was a pivotal moment in my life as he taught me the value of action, ownership and pragmatism over fancy words, titles and good intentions.
Every time I came to him with my reluctance to join an event, start a new project or speak with someone he would tell me “one is greater than zero”. What he was trying to say is that we gain considerably more by doing something than by not doing it, provided there is no better alternative in our agenda. This holds especially true for high school and college students who are just getting started. Back then my other options were staying home pretending to study for an exam I did not really care about or playing a video game.
I carried on with David’s words on my mind. Going to events, inviting people I admire for coffee, emailing conference organisers to let me in for free provided I helped as a volunteer. This path eventually led me to build Upframe and the Startup Playground, a place where young makers could go to learn more about how to build products and start companies with mentors like David.
Upframe brought me a moderate amount of attention and looking back, I know it was mainly luck, not merit or knowledge that got me there in the first place. What took some time and introspection to realize was that I inadvertently created part of that luck. By putting myself in situations that increased my chances of attaining good outcomes.
Picture two cardboard boxes. One contains a single marble. The other has a handful of them. If we were to shake both boxes, the latter would naturally produce more collisions. — In the real world, collisions generate opportunities. — Some of them can produce dramatic results like the ones that led me to accidentally start a company or move to Berlin.
Entropy attracts opportunity. Alone in a room vs Part of a community.
Spending most of our days entangled in a work-home routine is akin to the first cardboard box. We have more to gain when we put ourselves out there. When we decide to leave our comfort zone.
Looking at the future we cannot tell when life changing events will take place. A couple of years ago, I would not believe anyone if they told me I would be living in Berlin. Having that in mind, we can put ourselves in situations that enable serendipity to take place. Join communities. Read books. Let people know what you’re working on. Talk to strangers. Go to parties where you don't know most people. Send a letter to someone you admire. Install a dating app. Move to a city that has more things going on. Create your own luck.
| Ways to create your own luck |
| :- |
| Join a meetup group in your city |
| Install a dating app |
| Host a dinner where every guest has to bring a plus one |
| Go to a hackathon. With friends. Or alone |
| Share your ideas publicly. On social media. With your friends |
| Ask for help in public. Share your challanges |
| Email or tweet someone you admire |
| Go to dinner parties. From friends. From acquiantances |
| Grab a coffee with someone new every week |
| Join a community |
| Create your own community |
| Take classes unrelated with your major |
| Walk into a random college class and sit in |
| Work or study from different places. Cafés. Coworking places. Public libraries |
| Create and maintain a Twitter account |
| Keep your direct/private messages open on social media |
| Add a location to your Instagram posts |
| Take public transports |
| Use stickers on your laptop |
| Take the most crowded path to work |
| Move to a city that has more things going on in your industry |

Create your own luck

Even though it might be tempting at times to run away from our problems, doing so won't make them go away.
The nature of most problems is akin to the cartoonist cliche of the snowball rolling over the hill. When left unattended, problems grow. And they grow to create more problems. A small flame left unchecked often leads to multiple firestorms.
Avoiding tough conversations with the people we care about won't make the underlying, interpersonal problems disappear. Resentment tends to build up. And people who were once close to us eventually fade away from our life.
Pretending a debt doesn't exist might provide us with temporary relief. But one bill left to pay can be relatively easy to tackle when compared to eight bills plus penalty fees, a debt collection and a damaged credit score.
To take care of ourselves and the people we love, we must cultivate courage to face our problems head on. To make addressing them directly and early on our priority. Before we run out of options.

Address problems early on, before they become too big

The goal of communication is to convey information. To create an understanding. Yet, we often choose to use words that create obstacles for those we’re trying to reach.
As we gain familiarity within the domain in which we operate, we start adopting acronyms, initialisms and abbreviations used by people in our circle. But using them, ends up excluding everyone else who’s not in on the convention. It damages understanding. It creates obstacles.
a. Whenever you’re working with other people, make mutual understanding a priority above all else. Avoid using acronyms, initialisms, abbreviations.

Don't use acronyms

Integrity is doing what we say we will do. Even when it hurts us. Especially when it hurts us. This requires a sharp and tuned degree of consistency and self-awareness that takes time to grow.
a. Do not make commitments you know you can’t uphold. When we fail to deliver on a promise, we cause other people to have a worse impression of us. Because we use our past actions as information about who we are, failing to deliver on what we set out to do, often damages our own sense of worth. This is also true for when we set personal goals or intentions we fail to work towards. Every tiny action matters.
b. Avoid relying on people who didn’t follow through in the past. We’re not always able to pick who we work with. Having that in mind, we can choose the people we rely on. These are the people we make an active decision to build personal and professional projects with. Because the stakes are higher, we should be especially cautious and not let our hope and dreams blind us. By picking a partner we know to lack integrity, we are corrupting our own sense of virtue and there will always be a price to pay later on.
Better to disappoint early on and to be less ambitious about what we can do than to break our reputation and self-esteem. We deserve to go to bed every night knowing we can trust ourselves. Knowing we can be relied on.

Follow through

Positivity is the tragedy of the 21st century. Despite what the popular opinion may be, I have found that, adopting it as frame of mind, can often promote short-sightedness and wishful-thinking. When life doesn’t go as planned, we suffer unproportionally. — This is especially true when the stakes are high. A pessimistic approach towards global warming is often also the most realistic.
Unlike optimism, a pessimist outlook provides us with information we can use to grow. This makes it more useful to have as a frame of mind. Having an awareness about what might go wrong, can make you better equipped to deal with whatever life might throw at you.
a. Imagine the worst case scenario. This will enable you to see situations from a higher level and help you plan for a future you cannot control.
By contemplating bad outcomes, you can come up with plans to prevent or deal with them. Imagining a work presentation going wrong, will get you to put more effort into making sure it doesn’t. Anticipating a crisis, will keep you on your toes and make you more long-term oriented.
b. Do not spend time or energy with things you cannot control. Pessimism can be useful when it enables you to plan ahead and take action. We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we choose to deal with what happens. That’s what I’m advocating.
c. Realise that, whatever you may have today can be taken away tomorrow. Let this be a reminder that keeps you humble and grateful.

On pessimism

Many people celebrate the work of Pablo Picasso, but often overlook the process that contributed to make him the genius we all know and appreciate today.
At the age of 16, Picasso was living in Madrid. He spent long periods of time at the Prado museum, admiring and copying the works of great artists that came before him, like Goya and Velásquez. His story is akin to the ones told about Beethoven and Benjamin Franklin. The latter transcribed passages of his favourite writers and often tried to emulate their style, in order to improve his own.
The process of copying and reflecting on the work and process of people with more experience than you, enables you to get acquainted with patterns you wouldn't have. And at a faster pace.
Whenever you want to learn a new skill or improve on existing ones, realise that there is, or has been someone out there with more experience than you. With whom you can learn from. There is no shame in copying the work of others when your goal is to learn.
a. Do not try to be original. Originality comes from experience and materializes naturally when you have enough building blocks.
My past experience shows me that jumping and attempting to create something of your own before having the tools to do so, often equates with a lack of self-knowledge. In order to chop down a tree, you must first sharpen the axe.
With enough experience and vocabulary, you can go on to create your own work and improve on the work of others.
In a nutshell:
<ol>
<li>Find a piece of work you want to emulate.</li>
<li>Try to copy the piece in the best fashion you deem possible.</li>
<li>While doing so, close your eyes and try to visualize each step of the process.</li>
</ol>

Essays on principles